The Immersive Van Gogh Experience has taken the world by storm, with over 5 million visitors since 2017, and it's available in over 40 cities. Van Gogh is undeniably one of history’s most famous artists, with iconic pieces that are universally recognizable. But what else aside from big reputation has made this such a popular exhibit? Without a doubt, word of mouth, which is how I originally discovered the immersive experience, is a major factor. There is something about stepping into artwork that makes these exhibits feel a bit like magic.
I like to think of weddings as a participatory work of art, much like the Van Gogh exhibits that became so popular, where guests can immerse themselves in the art.
To truly appreciate and enjoy a wedding to its fullest, it helps to know all the hard work, meticulous planning and attention to detail that goes into putting one together.
This letter will hopefully serve the dual purpose of providing useful tips for couples currently in the planning phase of their weddings, and for wedding guests to gain a better depth of appreciation for these once-in-a-lifetime events they are attending.
Almost a year ago, I married the love of my life in northern Michigan on June 24, 2023. Time has flown by, and in the blink of an eye a year has passed and we are a few short days away from celebrating our fist year of marriage.
As we revisited our photos and wedding video, I also began to recall the intense planning process that took place in the 18 months leading up to the big day. Planning a wedding is like orchestrating a grand symphony, except the strings are your extended family, the percussion are your crazy college friends, the conductor is a 20-something DJ, you need to feed everyone in the audience, and you only get to practice one part of the song a single time.
Realizing I have a handful of friends and family that are in the midst of this planning process, I thought I’d outline how we approached our wedding planning, share a few tools that were absolutely essential in the process, thoughts on why we didn’t use a wedding planner and how our wedding ended up being an absolute banger (that’s a biased opinion, but ask anyone who attended and I think you’ll hear the same, or you can just look at this picture).
I doubt we could ever pull off throwing another party that iconic again, but luckily we only ever need to throw one of these. It’s a lot of work, but with the right tools and approach, anyone can plan a one hit wonder wedding that will live on in the memory of your guests for decades to come.
Plan Your Wedding Like a Heist
We all know that the most intense planners are the complex, suave masterminds behind the greatest fictional bank robberies that Hollywood has to offer us. You won’t be stealing a grand sum of money from any highly secured vaults (though I do hope your letterbox is overflowing with envelopes stuffed full of cash), the lessons, characters and plans of a classic grand heist are great to draw on for planning one of the biggest events of your life.
The Mastermind
If there were a rank list of the coolest “Type A” badasses in cinema, Danny Ocean would be at the top. He has vision, pays diligent attention to details and strives for perfection in every step he executes. He always has a masterplan and so should you.
We created our master plan as a play-by-play of all our events from Thursday through Sunday, from wedding party arrival, rehearsal dinner start time all the way to when we said “I do.” It’s ok if speeches don’t start exactly at 6:05pm, but at least your vendors and wedding party will have an approximate guide to when things are supposed to be happening.
Hot tip: Give this guide to your DJ (or day-of wedding planner). The DJ is the captain of your wedding, and will need to guide the event to keep things moving along and ensure you get out on the dance floor for maximum hours of grooving to ABBA.
Wish I had known… That vendors book ridiculously far out. I remember chatting with our caterer and she said that another couple was looking to book on our same weekend, 16 months into the future. We locked them in with a deposit almost a year and a half away from our wedding date.
Note: I shared an extremely useful wedding planning template at the end of this letter. Make sure to check that out!
You Need a Wedding Budget
You might not be able to find a wealthy former casino owner to fund your wedding like the Ocean’s Eleven team, but hopefully you’ve been saving up and perhaps even have of help from your family.
The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is a whopping $33,000. Maybe that sounds like WAY too much money, or like not nearly enough, depending on your ambitions. Either way, it’s crucial to track your expenses. Planning within the confines of a budget ensures you will spend money on the things that matter to you. For example, getting a lower cost catering package so that you can book an amazing venue on the water. Tracking expenses is also important to stay organized and make sure you are paying all of your vendors on time.
Hot tip: Manage this thing like an investment portfolio. Itemize all expenses in a single location and save your payment confirmations.
Your Day-of Crew
You will need someone to help you execute your vision and do the “grunt work” on heist day. Though we elected to not pay for a wedding planner, we did ask a few family members to assist on our wedding day with some critical tasks. Whether it’s a wedding planner, venue coordinator, friends, or family members… Someone absolutely needs to help on the day of your wedding to take care of the small details. For example, taking decorations home after the reception, packing up leftover booze, or ensuring vendors arrive on time. If you plan ahead and provide clear instructions to these individuals, you can ensure that your hands are completely free.
Hot Tip: And my hot take on wedding planners… There are a number of reasons on why you might want or need a wedding planner. You are planning a destination wedding. Or you live in a different state than where you are getting married. Or you don’t want to think about a single detail of your wedding plan. All great reasons.
However, in my honest opinion, I think any couple is perfectly capable of planning their big day and saving a significant amount of money to spend elsewhere. If you are leaning towards a wedding planner, my advice would be to get a day-of planner to execute on your plan when you want to enjoy getting married. Day-of rates tend to be much cheaper and this is when you are getting the most value out of a planner anyways!
Smooth Talkers
Every crew has a smooth talker, a person that can speak to just about anyone to get into our out of any situation. Hopefully, your Maid of Honor and Best Man are feeling confident in their speeches and ready to deliver loving sentiments and a few good laughs to the crowd. Everyone loves a good wedding speech, but being frank, no one wants to sit and listen to speeches for 90 minutes. Guests will happily do so with no complaints, it’s your show! But, do you really want to sit and listen for a quarter of your reception when you could be out dancing and drinking?
Hot Tip: Keep the number of speakers and the length of the speeches controlled. Unfortunately, your wedding does have a cutoff and by far the best part is dancing with friends and family - maximize that time!
Look Good, Feel Good
Looking the part is half the battle in a heist. If you look good, you feel good and your entire wedding party will be ready to take on the day and pose for photos that you’ll savor for the rest of your life.
Regarding the dress code for your event, be explicit. Semi-formal can mean lots of things to different people. I’ve shown up to a “semi-formal” wedding and felt very underdressed because every guy was wearing a full suit. If you don’t want folks wearing shorts, then make sure to put that in the FAQ of your website. Will some people show up wearing shorts anyways? Probably, yes.
Hot Tip: For the grooms out there, I would use this opportunity to purchase a new suit. With rentals landing somewhere around $250, it just seemed worth it to me to spend a couple hundred extra dollars to purchase a suit that fits well. I’ve already used mine multiple times in the past year.
Things that go “Boom”
Your wedding might not need an explosives expert on site to blow open a titanium vault, but you may still want to plan for things that go BOOM or light up the night.
Nearly every wedding I attend has a “wow” activity where I get caught up in the awesomeness of the moment. Most recently, at a wedding in St Micheal’s, it was the live band playing before dinner started. There was so much joy in the air as guests carelessly let loose to the live music as we awaited the arrival of the wedding party. At another wedding I attended last year in Atlanta, it was a beautiful sparkler tunnel that all the guests made as the couple danced amongst their loved ones. I believe at our wedding it was a full blown fireworks show, which I got to watch with my wonderful bride spinning at my side. This is about creating a moment for you and your guests that will live on in memory for years to come.
Adapt to the Unexpected
It’s not a Hollywood heist if there isn’t an unexpected twist. It’s almost a guarantee that something is going to happen that you did not anticipate. It might rain. Or a vendor is running late. Or guests could cancel last minute. Guests could show up you didn’t invite! You’ve done everything in your power to make an unforgettable day, your plan will adapt to these unexpected changes flawlessly. Don’t sweat the small things and enjoy every the moment.
Resources
The most useful tool we deployed in our wedding planning was Notion. If you are not familiar, it’s basically if a word editor and Excel had a baby and that baby took tech-startup steroids. It’s a digital productivity workspace where you can manage pretty much any project. My whole life is on Notion, including my wedding plan.
I created a Wedding Planning template, which includes various tables we used to track our guest list, tasks, expenses, agenda and so much more. I’m sharing the template for free (because weddings are already fricken expensive enough):
Notion Wedding Planning Template: This was our bread and butter, feel free to duplicate my wedding planning template and customize it as you go.
The Knot: Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably accessed a wedding page hosted on The Knot. It tries to be the end-all-be-all platform for wedding planning, but we mostly just used it to host our website.
Etsy & Canva: We used these for wedding card templates and customizing those to our liking.
After planning my own wedding, I have such a greater appreciation for the experience of attending the weddings of my friends and family. From the overall flow of the events to the design of the programs, I keep a vigilant eye out for signatures of personality from the couple in the tiniest of details.
Cheers to all the couples tying the knot this year.
The Bel
It's true - yours wedding was an absolute ~banger~